Iceland app

[Freyr Njarðarson]

application form

General
name: Freyr Njarðarson
age: 15
nationality: Icelandic
date of birth: June 17th

function: Student

likes: Reading, sagas, outdoors, fish, silence
dislikes: Noise, tupid/scruffy/too curious/loud/annoying/probably something else people, being helpless, embarrassing things

IC

personality
Freyr seems quiet and rather cold, but deep down he is more emotional and very indecisive. No one really knows about this, it's hard to get close to him. He gets embarrassed quite easily and when he does, he really wants to be somewhere else. He might take offense for real and literally run away. He can also be quite unforgiving, but he doesn't like fighting, usually he's just too proud and stubborn to apologise.

He doesn't truly try to be rude, but somehow he always manages to be with his very short sentences and eternal abbreviations. He's not really a fan of polite gestures either, which can easily get him into trouble.

background story
Freyr grew up in a small village near Reykjavík. He was never close to his parents. One day, when he was 3 years old, his mother went out to buy some food and never came back. His father was at work that day, and when he got home he looked rather tired. He told Freyr that mother just needs a small vacation and will come back eventually. But in reality there was a bear roving in the village and sadly it had attacked some people, including his mother.

So Freyr lived most of his life with his father, a rather cold and reserved person who was very busy with his work. This had an effect on his personality. Since he was never told that children should play and run around with each other happily, he just assumed that his father was like every man should be. Freyr imitated him, trying to be an adult. His father wasn't that good in taking care of a child, but at least he gave him food and a place to stay, that was all he really needed. They never felt strongly for each other; his father probably did love him, at least a little bit, but he never said it. Freyr had always been quite independent and liked being alone, and his father's coldness and the habitual solitude just made it more visible.

However, after the British invasion in May 1940, his father just couldn't bear it anymore and sent Freyr to live with his grandfather in France as soon as he could. He said it was only for 6 months because he was having some financial problems. However, the months turned into years, until his grandfather was too old to take care of him and sent him to the boarding school.

Living with his old grandfather who had lost his right leg in WWI was rather nice. He was a very hearty old man, originally Icelandic too, but he had lived in France since he was a little boy. He told Freyr lots of things about life, even though he was too young to understand some of them. He also taught Freyr a lot, from cooking to cutting trees. He speaks French pretty well thanks to his grandfather. His father had never talked about how important it was to be good at several things.

He was happier in France, even though he didn't have anything against his father and he missed his homeland. Despite the homesickness this solution probably made both Freyr and his father pleased. His grandfather probably didn't mind either, because now he wasn't that lonely anymore and he didn't have to do everything by himself.

But eventually he was too old for taking care of someone, so with Freyr's father's approval he sent him to Fond De L'Etang. Freyr didn't really want to go but he also didn't want to be a burden, so he shut his mouth and agreed to go to the boarding school.

extras
Despite being in a boarding school, he rarely does anything stupid/forbidden. Except he smokes sometimes.

He also wants to wear the bowtie all the time, no matter how childish it looks.

rp sample
Freyr was quite lonely without his grandfather. Even though he had always liked being alone, it felt kind of wrong to be here. He didn't know anyone and he certainly wasn't good with getting to know people, no, not at all. He didn't even think he could make any friends here.

The boy was outside, sitting on the ground and leaning against a wall and hoping that no one would notice him. He liked being alone. Yeah, being alone was just fine...

It wasn't. He felt bad when he saw other students talking with each other about something and having fun. Though not many people had fun here. He really missed his grandfather, and Iceland, and even his father. He knew them, but now he was in a weird place, surrounded by weird people. His grandfather had told him that he would visit as much as possible, but it still wasn't enough to make him feel better.

Freyr got up and went inside, but he didn't have any idea about where he should be right now, so he just stared walking around, looking for familiar faces. He didn't see any, and now he was worried. He really didn't want to get punished for skipping classes. Maybe the teacher wouldn't notice, he shrugged, but mentally prepared for the cleaning. Urgh.


OoC
MSN & Email: [e-mail]
AIM: uglyballoons

( ... I hope it's not full of typos, I'm kind of tired right now. )

[Arthur Kirkland]

Since it's being left up to me, I just can't really accept this unless the others think it's fine... However, they're kind of doing their own things at the moment so that leaves me to judge.

I saw a few things with your app. that you might want to edit to make it a little better. I'll be happy to check it again then.

-- I noticed a lot of run on sentences.

- Usually I'm not a grammar fanatic, but I think this could be fixed a little better. It's kind of hard for me to point out an example for this, but for instance: This had an effect on his personality, he was never told that children should play and run around with each other happily, he just assumed that his father was like every man should be, so he imitated him, trying to be an adult.

That would be better off broken up, than one whole sentence.

-- You don't have enough detail in your background story.

- It's not exactly too bad... but for instance: it's not every day someone gets killed by a bear. You may want to add a little detail on as to how some of the events in your app came to be. Like the mother.

- On another, not exactly as important note... You may want to try to avoid using the same words over. I noticed you would tend to start off your sentences with he. This isn't much of a big deal, mind you; I'm just trying to give as much constructive criticism as I can to help with the overall editing process. It tends to get a little monotonous after awhile when reading. Try to change it up a little; maybe use his name once in awhile? I noticed this more prominently in the rp sample.

Other than that, your rping is fine... I don't see anything else that makes me think you should be held back.

[Freyr Njarðarson]

Okay, thank you for the crit! My English can be a little bit awkward sometimes, especially if I'm tired, sorry (wow, that really is one huge sentence...). I edited, I hope it's alright now.

[Arthur Kirkland]

Accepted